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a recollection of the things i thought i had forgotten

by the place between sleep & awake

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1.
i feel so alone each time we kiss am i the only one who feels like this you say that you want to stick around that you are happy with what you have found but you'll get bored like everyone and leave me alone, back to square one
2.
im sick of crying over things i dont have control of like how you dont want me around so i wont stick around youre so used to getting what you want well i never get what i want and you said that makes me sound selfish well id rather be selfish than waste my time with you and i will learn to be happy alone even if it kills me and ill learn not to love you like i used to can you feel me forgetting about you
3.
ill let you run your fingers through my hair let you pretend that you really care about me cause its the only excuse that i really have to be close to you i always set myself up for failure when i start to think that someone is capable of being scared to lose me are you scared to lose me like im scared as hell of losing you well ive lost myself in you too many times and youve lost yourself somewhere in your mind sorry i couldnt find you not that you wanted me to my mistake for thinking i could save you my mistake for hoping i would save you and im only yours when no one else wants you and we only talk when you have nothing better to do so drink up my dear we both know how much that you need to but dont call me this time cause i have better things to do
4.
its been years but im finally learning how to live without you. i no longer use your coffee cup in the mornings which was the closest i would get to feeling your lips on mine when i wake up. every letter youve written, every cd youve burned, every fucking flower you picked for me on our walks home together is now miles away in a plastic bag that i had tried to suffocate myself with the night before. but nothing ever works out in my favor. if you wouldve put down your phone for one second the last time i saw you, maybe youd be in this room with me right now. but youre not and im trying to be okay with it but all i can do is wonder where you are now. how youre doing, what youre thinking, who youre fucking. but youre the calm before a hurricane. youre the no vacancy sign flashing neon colors in my brain. youre the sigh before a beautiful sunset. and all i was was a morning regret.

credits

released June 4, 2015

shout out to Jack Connor of Hit Me, Harold! and songsforyourselfand everyoneelse for lending his voice and tambourine skillz on "that was then, this is dumb"

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the place between sleep & awake San Diego, California

Weekend pity partier.

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